Why Black Friday Rocks

1) I'm home from work

My company does not give us the day after Thanksgiving off...instead, we get a "floating holiday" that can only be taken between May and September...but this year, I opted to splurge with 8 PTO hours and have myself a grand old day of ME time.


2) DVD's

Every year, I make a mini-pilgrimage to Target, as they normally have a very impressive selection of cheap DVD's without the mess and aggravation of having to go to one of those Big Box places like Best Buy. Since I've decided that Best Buy is evil, and have vowed to never step foot in there again, Target is my destination of choice for anything DVD related. The great thing about Target is that they literally restock ALL DAY, so even if you go at 5pm, you'll still get that $14.99 Family Guy DVD set you've been jonesing for.

This year, I got:

$3.98
Spiderman 2
Batman Begins
The Goonies (oh the nostalgia!!!)
Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
300
Eragon
A Christmas Story

I also got "Memoirs of a Geisha" for $3.98, which really, really pissed off my husband because it's a Japanese story and there isn't a single Japanese person in it. We got into that whole "hey, why is it a big deal when Asians are used interchangeably when 'white' people have been used interchangeably for years?" discussion. My point is that Irish people play Italians, Germans play Swedes, Brazilians play Puerto Ricans...so what? It doesn't make the movies any better or worse. He doesn't think I understand, but whatever. While I'm on a roll, I might as well go buy some Minute Rice and really piss him off.

$5.98
The Pursuit of Happyness (I twitch when I read this title, the spelling snob inside me is just screaming for a red pen.)

DVD Sets
The Office, seasons 1 and 2 for $24.98 total
Family Guy Volume 4 for $14.98

Fuckin' sweeeeeeeeeet.

Which is a nice segue into...

3) The bragging rights

"You're having a hard time finding Nintendo Wii? Hmm, yes, that's a pity...I got mine last week. Black Friday. I froze my tits off waiting in line at Best Buy, Santa ain't got shit on me."


4) I get to watch ordinarily rational people completely lose their shit

Old ladies elbowing each other to get at the $3.98 board games.

5 foot tall women attempting to squeeze 3 video rocker chairs into a single cart, then knocking over a small child when one of the chairs falls off the stack.

Henpecked men forced to stand in a line that wraps around the store while their women spend all of the hard-earned money in the checking account.

Harried shoppers excitedly sharing stories of stampedes at WalMart

Women screaming across aisles at each other: "BARBARA, HOLY SHIT GET OVER HERE, THEY JUST RESTOCKED THE BARBIES! THEY JUST RESTOCKED THE BARBIES! BRING THE CART OVER, FASTER BARBARA FASTER!!!!!!!"

People fighting over the parking spaces that border Outer Mongolia.

Grown women yelling "NO CUT-SIES! NO CUT-SIES!" at perfect strangers who are letting their friends into line.


5) I get to watch me, an ordinarily rational person, completely lose my shit

I went through the checkout at Target four times. Yes, four. Every time I stood in a line, I saw someone walk buy holding a coveted item that had been out of stock the last time I checked...the iPod alarm clock with charging docking station, Family Guy Volume 4, The Office Season 2...("Where did you get that?!? WERE THERE MORE? HOW MANY MORE?!? TELL ME!!!!!!!")...so I would check out, walk back to the scene of said restocked coveted item, grab it and hop into the express lane with my single prized object.

Four times. Yes, my girlfriends mocked me.


6) Breakfast with the girls

I met up with 2 friends during the Target trip (they were up and out of the house by 5am to go to Old Navy, crazy bitches) and went to a diner, where a middle aged woman in a banana clip served us lots of coffee and runny eggs.


7) Leftovers

On this one day out of 365, it is considered perfectly normal and acceptable to pile all of the leftovers from the previous day's meal (includes vegetables, mashed potatoes and gravy) into a single sandwich. It is also acceptable to stuff a huge glob of stuffing into your mouth at 5am on your way out of the house to go shopping. It is also acceptable to wash it down with coffee.


8) The look on the husband's face when you come home weighed down with bags and boxes

Always priceless. I generally make sure to get him something he likes to soften the blow. This year I climbed over a couple of shopping carts and an old lady to reach for his copy of 300. Love ya baby. Kiss kiss.


9) The sport of it all

I may go back out later when the crowds die down...not because I need anything, but because I might luck out and see some highly prized item that miraculously appears as a result of late re-stocking.


10) Instant infusion of Christmas spirit

What a pain in the ass to wait and wade through the crowds...but damn it can be fun. You see lots of random people, sometimes even old friends from high school, and you pass the time in line chatting it up with people you otherwise would never have met and holding a stranger's spot in line so she can run and grab one more Polly Pocket for her daughter without losing her hard-earned spot in line. The assholes really are the exception to the rule. People are mostly nice...as long as you're not competing with them for a big screen TV or a $300 laptop bundled with a free printer.

Good evening, folks...

I can't imagine that anyone is even reading this right now. I turned the blog off a couple of months ago and really didn't even look back. I've pared down my internet consumption quite a bit, and have tried to focus on things that are more constructive "I.R.L."

The words simply don't come as easily as they used to, and I'm not sure if it's because of time constraints or if something has changed in me. In the beginning, my readership was only a select few people that I actually "knew I.R.L." By the time I pulled the plug, I had a couple hundred people who poked their respective heads in from time to time to check on my progress, or in most cases, lack thereof. I think my writing changed a bit as readership grew, though I didn't realize it at the time. In the beginning, I used my writing as a form of emotional vomit, getting it all out of me so I would finally feel better; by the end, every word I wrote was with an audience in mind. Not how I ever wanted this to be.

I think I'm going to get back to the basics of visceral spewage. Stay tuned for all that mess.

Before I expose all two of you to a screen full of upchuck, an update; I've been semi-promoted. Semi-, meaning that I've taken a position with a clear path to a position greater than the position I am currently in. I'm hoping to be promoted for real and working 10 minutes from my house by spring. Yee haw. I start the new job a week from tomorrow.

Whether I've made the jump from frying pan to fire remains to be seen, but one thing is always certain; I will continue to land in stupid fucked-up situations, no matter how hard I try not to. It's just what I do.