My new boss is a guy. I'm pretty psyched because I'd rather work for a guy than a woman any day of the week. You don't get the drama, the competitive undertones, the conspiracies, the drama, or the PMS that comes with having a female superior. I'm all for women advancing in the workplace, but I've had nothing but negative experiences. Maybe it's because I tend to think more like a guy than a girl. But anyway...
So my new boss is pretty cool. He doesn't care if I'm 5 minutes late. He doesn't care if I take a long lunch. He could give a shit if I choose to work from home if my kids are home from school. All he cares about is that I'm dependable, that I know my shit, and that I get it done in a timely manner. Pretty much my dream situation. Woo-fuckin-hoo.
Of course, every "dream" situation has to have a down side, and mine is that my boss is a "guy" in every sense of the word and he makes no effort to hide it while in my presence. He pretty much talks to me like we're in a bar and I've got a penis too. He started dropping the F-bombs by day two. By day 5, he engaged in sexually suggestive banter with a female co-worker while in my presence. By day 12, he had used the c-word while referring to a particularly retarded female client. He jokes to other co-workers about it by saying that I'm "all broken in" and used to his antics, so it's "cool" to do this in front of me.
I don't really mind it, as I have a pretty graphic sense of humor myself...but I'm not one to let it all hang out at work. Needless to say, this is a bit of a culture shock for me, and while I'll nod and smile and comment on occasion, I am by no means going to play into it. I don't need shit like that coming back to bite me...but anyway...
The first thing that really, really shocked me was when he professed his undying devotion to the Howard Stern program...and proceeded to describe a bit that had gone on that morning.
Boss: "Do you listen to Stern?"
K: "Um. No."
Boss: "Yeah. I didn't figure you for the type."
K: "I'm vaguely familiar with it, but I don't have Sirius, so I haven't listened in years."
Boss: "I stayed in my car an extra 10 minutes to listen to this bit this morning..."
K: "Oh yeah?"
Boss: "It was so friggin' hilarious...nasty..."
[looks to me for some hint of interest]K:
[stares blankly]Boss:
[excitedly looking around] "Ah fuck it. This guy Richard...you know Richard? Well, he decided to get his asshole bleached."
K:
[instant shade of crimson comes to cheeks] "Ummmm..."
Boss:
[starts getting into his story-telling groove] "Yeah, and he didn't shower for 3 days beforehand..."
K: "Oh God..."
Boss: "IT GETS WORSE! He also took a shit right beforehand...AND HE DIDN'T WIPE!!!"
K: "EEEWWWWW!!!"
Boss: "AND IT WAS SOME GAY GUY THAT WAS DOING THE BLEACHING!!!"
[hysterical laughter]K:
[polite smile] "Wow. That poor bastard..."
Boss: "Well you get into that line of work, whaddya expect???"
K: "I suppose so."
[fakest laugh I've ever mustered]I thought that was the end of the Howard Stern Bleaching Special Presentation. But no...he proceeded to recount it all over again to a male co-worker (who looked over at me nervously as the story was told, to which the Boss said "Oh she's cool, don't worry.")...and then AGAIN via email and phone to a CLIENT.
Then the next day, after he'd seen it on Howard TV at home, proceeded to describe the horror in vivid visual detail.
The day after that...he decided to keep Howard streaming from his laptop the entire day, while I sat in his office.
Several days later, while in his car headed to another of our offices for a meeting, he chose to leave Howard playing on his radio.
Can I ever walk into a "normal" situation, or am I destined to live my life in the land of the Fucked Up?
