How 'bout a nice big cup of "GoFuckYourself?"
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Today I received a packet in the mail from the school department. My heart jumped a little when I saw the return address, but I quickly realized exactly what kind of packet this was:
"Dear Ms. K,
We want to thank you for the wonderful work you did as a substitute for the xxxx Public Schools this year. We hope you enjoyed the experience enough that you will want to keep your file active for next year's substitute teacher pool. Please fill out the enclosed forms by June 1st."
I rolled my eyes and tossed it into the trash. Yeah, please, sign me up to sub for 80 bucks a day with no benefits and no idea of where I will be working day to day until I get a phone call at 6am. Fan-fucking-tastic. Where do I sign.
This little incident did get me thinking, however; what if those bastards actually offered me a permanent job? Would I take the 10 thousand dollar hit in pay and accept? For the first time in quite a while, I started thinking about it. I honestly don't know what I would do.
I miss teaching. I miss the kids. I miss feeling like I was actually using my brain all day long. I'm so unchallenged in what I'm doing right now that I'm ready to flat out lose my shit.
This is one of those weeks where I really wonder if I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing for my own sanity and for my family, but what if I made a short-term gain kind of decision that will fuck me in the long run?
Why can't I just make a decision and know it was right? Am I doomed to second guess myself until I'm dead? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
"Dear Ms. K,
We want to thank you for the wonderful work you did as a substitute for the xxxx Public Schools this year. We hope you enjoyed the experience enough that you will want to keep your file active for next year's substitute teacher pool. Please fill out the enclosed forms by June 1st."
I rolled my eyes and tossed it into the trash. Yeah, please, sign me up to sub for 80 bucks a day with no benefits and no idea of where I will be working day to day until I get a phone call at 6am. Fan-fucking-tastic. Where do I sign.
This little incident did get me thinking, however; what if those bastards actually offered me a permanent job? Would I take the 10 thousand dollar hit in pay and accept? For the first time in quite a while, I started thinking about it. I honestly don't know what I would do.
I miss teaching. I miss the kids. I miss feeling like I was actually using my brain all day long. I'm so unchallenged in what I'm doing right now that I'm ready to flat out lose my shit.
This is one of those weeks where I really wonder if I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing for my own sanity and for my family, but what if I made a short-term gain kind of decision that will fuck me in the long run?
Why can't I just make a decision and know it was right? Am I doomed to second guess myself until I'm dead? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
sKWeez'd by K @ 7:48 PM | Perma-link
2 Comments:
At 5/04/2007 8:05 AM,
Anonymous said…
There is no "right" decision. Any path chosen can lead to Rome so to speak. I suppose it's simply a matter of coming to a decision; choosing the path you WANT to take.
At 5/04/2007 6:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
You made the only decision you could make for now. Who knows what will come later. Don't second-guess yourself. Though I understand the part about not using your mind enough. I make good money, but I don't enjoy what I do. It's a shitty trade-off, but I don't have a choice. I have a child to raise.
My BFF finally got a teaching job about 2-3 months ago and was just told Tuesday that she would be laid off at the end of the school year. Bullshit. Teachers can't find jobs here in OC anymore cuz it's too expensive and people are moving away.
Never say never. Who knows what the future holds for any of us.
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