Problem Child

Today the husband and I headed in to our sons' school for a meeting about Youngest Child's progress in preschool. As we sat outside the office, I heard voices and saw Oldest Child's teacher standing in the hallway, speaking to 2 people from the central office downtown.

It was clear that they were from the Special Education department, and that his teacher was talking about a problem child, diagnosed with ADHD and a recent transfer to the school. It was apparent, after a minute or so, that she was talking about our son.

She went on about how he's out of control, that she doesn't know what to do with him, and that she's "keeping a log" of every little thing he does that is inappropriate or against the rules. The other people in the conversation were like, "Oh yes, you do what you have to do," nodding in agreement and sighing with those "Oh you poor thing" kind of looks on their faces. She went on for about 10 minutes about how awful he is. We just sat there and stared at the wall. I looked over at the husband, and I don't think I've seen him that sad in quite a while.

Oldest Child is 8, but he reads at a 5th grade level. We've never had his IQ tested, but I would dare to guess that it is far above those of his peers. He's been medicated since he was 4, and has a lot of social issues, but this change in school has really hit him hard and he's been acting out all over the place, at home and at school. His neurologist has suggested a mood disorder, possibly even Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism)...me, I'm seeing a sad and angry little kid who has no idea how to deal with his frustrations. Apparently, all his teacher sees is a huge pain in the ass that she'd rather have out of her class.

She wrapped up her conversation and turned around. From the look on her face, she looked about ready to shit twinkies at the thought of us having heard every word that she said about our son. She pretty much pretended that it didn't happen, proceeded to tell us about how he threw something that morning, and was quickly on her way.

I am not a parent who thinks my child can do no wrong. I know he can do plenty of wrong, but I also know that he has a hard time determining exactly what wrong is. I don't understand why we feel the need to LABEL every kid who has a hard time in school, be it academically or socially. Why do we need to slap a label on him every time he pulls his shit? Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ADHD, Autism...every time he acts out, there's a new name for it. What ever happened to, "He's a kid, we'll punish him, and he'll straighten up." Why does everyone want him on a new med every time he is difficult? It's all about instant gratification, the quick fix, forcing a square peg into round hole by shaving it down by any means necessary.

I understand that his behavior is a problem, but I don't understand how he became the topic of water cooler conversation within earshot of everyone who walked by. I realize that these conversations go on...hell, I've HAD these kinds of conversations with fellow teachers...but hearing it about your own child is far more difficult that I ever would have imagined. And I refuse to fill him full of narcotics just so his teacher can have an easier time.