The Chronicles of Hellhole: Days 1-3

Day 1:

I showed up at the hellhole for processing, and was put into a room with 6 guys who were also starting work on Monday. As is customary in any work environment that is dominated by men, I got some pretty odd looks and smirks, and even a few hushed comments that my brainy male counterparts figured I wouldn't be able to hear from 6 feet away.

Guy1: "They hire girls up in this bitch?"
Guy2: "Well, you know how dey roll now...equal opportunity an' shit."
K: "Yeah, they do hire girls up in this bitch."
Guy1 & Guy2: [stare]
K: "Girls have excellent hearing, I'm not sure you knew."
Guy2: "Well hey, good luck to you. I hear some of dem packages are heavy like a mothafucka. You lift dat shit?"
K: "Yeah, I can lift that shit. Don't worry."


Just then, the recruiter walked in.


Recruiter: "K! How ya been?"
K: "Oh, I'm fabulous. Thrilled to be here."
Recruiter: "You're like a bad penny!"
K: "I know, right? I'll try harder to stay lost next time, trust me."


Guy1 and Guy2 were amazed at this point.


Guy1: "You worked here befo'?"
K: "Yep. For a couple of years."
Guy2: "So you already know what goes on in 'dis place?"
K: "I used to train the new hires. So yeah, I have a good idea."
Guy1: "So...how is it? Is it hard?"
K: "I've seen 6 foot 5 bodybuilder types walk out of here crying. So yeah."
Guy1: "Fo' REAL?"
K: "Yep. For real. We had a guy lose a finger last year."
Guy1 & Guy2: [stare in horror]
K: "But don't worry. I'm sure you'll be fine."


The human resources chick came in to escort us across the street to the main building, and she asked me if I'd mind giving the guys who had taken the bus a ride over, as she couldn't fit everyone into her car. I ended up with Guy1 & Guy2, of course, and they felt the need to pepper me with questions the whole time.


Guy1: "So, how come you work here?"
K: "I'm an unemployed teacher. I need the benefits."
Guy2: "A teacher? Fo' REAL?"
K: "Yes. For real. But I'm new, so I have to wait for a permanent job."
Guy2: "So, you been like to college an' shit?"
K: "Yup."
Guy1: "So why da FUCK you come back to a shithole like 'dis for $8.50 an hour?"
K: "Clearly, I'm retarded."
Guy1: "Word!"
K: "Indeed."


I bid my new friends adieu and headed into the coordinator's office, at which point I was told I'd be starting out as a supervisor, not as an hourly employee like I'd originally been told. Ok, whatever. I wasn't exactly properly attired, in my oversized t shirt and frayed jeans, but they still had me walk around my assigned area and introduce myself as the new supervisor. I even got to walk one of the conveyor belts at the end of the shift to check for stray packages. Exciting!



Day 2:

Coordinator: "So K, do you want the good news, or the bad news?"
K: "Oh for chrissake..."
Coordinator: "Bad news is that you have to be an hourly for a while."
K: [looks down at polo shirt and brand new khakis] "Ummmmm...."
Coordinator: "Good news is that I can get you promoted by the end of the month."
K: "Could you guys have called me and told me so I could have dressed down?"
Coordinator: "Oh, it's ok, I'll get you a t shirt."
K: "If it's one of those bright yellow safety shirts, I walk right now."
Coordinator: [laughs] "No, no, I'll get you a black one."
K: "Super."


I walked back up to my area, and started working, much to the confusion of the people to whom I'd introduced myself as a supervisor the night before. I got my brand new khakis all dirty too. Fuck.


Day 3

A normal night as a menial wage slave. Even though I had left the union at $10.50 per hour, I got knocked back down to $8.50. Pig fuckers. But whatever. It's only for a couple of weeks. I then found out that even though I'd gotten a raise just before I left the company, they are knocking my supervisor wages right back down to entry level. FUCKERS! God I hate this place.