BJ's. Not that kind, pervert.

We were down to practically nothing in the way of food, so I piled the kids into the car and headed to BJ's Wholesale Club, home of cheap booze and 50 packs of fruit snacks. As you know, I've gone back to working nights, so I wasn't exactly bright and chipper as it was...I just wanted to run in, get what we needed, and run out. Youngest Child insisted on the cart with the big plastic race car attached to it, much to Middle Child's chagrine, as he is now too tall for such novelties. Middle Child let his displeasure be known with loud and mournful wailing as we headed inside, drawing stares from everyone around us. Great. I made a mental note to NOT forget the 24 pack of Mike's that was singing to me from aisle 21a.

I stopped at the deli for a couple of pounds of Land 'o Lakes American for my growing brood. As I waited, I noticed a nice enough older guy manning one of the sample stations, so I was rather stunned when I heard the words "Fat bitch" come from his direction in a low and gutteral tone.

I spun around, ready to kick the guy in the nuts, when I noticed he wasn't facing my direction. In fact, he was busily folding napkins like nothing had been said at all. I started doubting myself...perhaps sleep deprivation was seriously taking its toll...but then I heard him say it again.

"Fat...fucking...BITCH!"

This lady walking by, who happened to be fat, stopped in her tracks. One of the other sample slingers came running over.

SS: "Now Bucky...what did we talk about?"
Bucky: "Fat..."
SS: "Noooo...Bucky...we talked about being quiet at work."
Bucky: "Bitch...fat..."
SS: "Bucky...you don't want to go out back, do you?
Bucky: "No. Quiet. Ok."
SS: "Good. I'll be back in a little while. Fold some more napkins."
Bucky: "Faaa...ok. Napkins."

At this point, it was clear that the poor bastard probably had something like Tourette's Syndrome, so I grabbed the kids and started rounding the corner as quickly as I could, giving a polite smile to Bucky, who smiled back nicely enough. Just then, another lady walked by.

Bucky: "Fat...BITCH!"
Lady: "WELL I NEVER!"
Bucky: "Would you like a sample?"

I looked back, doubled over as I tried to hold in my hysterics, and saw what he was passing out.

Tourette's guy was peddling Twix samples. Welcome to the world of employment without bias.

As was inevitable, a group of little girls came running up for their candy. I had my mouth open to warn their mother, who was trailing behind, when Bucky started up again.

Bucky: "Fat bitches! FAT BITCHES!!!"

Needless to say, they grabbed their candy and ran back to their mother. Sample Slinger came running over again to calm Bucky and his involuntarily foul mouth. I'd seen enough, and started heading to aisle 21a for a case of Mommy's Happy Juice.

As we ran away, I could still hear Bucky.

Bucky: "Would you like a sample? FAT BITCH!!!!"

He was led away shortly thereafter. It was a nice segue into a talk with Oldest Child about people who are handicapped and how we should be tolerant and as nice to them as we can be, as they sometimes can't help their own behavior.

OC: "But Mommy...he was saying BAD WORDS!"
K: "Yeah, but he couldn't help it. He has Tourette's."
OC: "So Mommy...do you have that too?"
K: "Keep walking, smart guy, or I'm putting the fruit snacks back."