Dealing

I've never been a drinker. I've always been one to partake a few times a year, and very rarely to the point of utter impairment. My husband, who was a major practicing alcoholic right up until I met him, is not a big drinker these days either. Our friends used to make fun of us because our "liquor cabinet" consisted of half-empty nips and a bottle of wine that we kept on reserve in case we had company. True story.

These days, we have a decent variety of hard alcohol on hand at any given time, and we seem to be going through it at a fairly steady rate. A bottle of rum that used to hang around for a year or two seems to disappear within a couple of months. A big bottle of Kahlua seems to have a shelf life of just a few weeks in the K household. Containers seem more often nearly empty than anywhere near full.

Our consumption seems to still be far below average...I did a bit of research, and it seems that the average person can have a couple of beers or glasses of wine a day and still be considered a non-drunkard. Personally, I know I'm below that, but it worries me that I feel a need to drink at all when I never did before.

It takes a lot of stress to get me to the bottle of vodka; the problem is, "a lot of stress" is any given day of the week. 4 solid hours of listening to three children try to kill each other, coupled with the inevitable potty training accidents (shit explosions are almost always guaranteed to drive me to drink) is my usual segue to Stoli-ville. One drink is all I have, but it's a fairly strong drink; maybe 2 inches of vodka at the bottom of a 16 ounce glass. It makes me feel warm, calm, and a little bit numb all at the same time, almost like instant Prozac.

I breathe, I sit down, feeling some of the stress leave my body, and it's ok. Everything is ok. Another day down, about 15,000 more to go. Great. Bring it on.

I rarely drink enough that I wouldn't be able to drive. I never drink enough to have a hangover. But it still worries me. I never needed it before, why do I need it now? What the fuck, is this just a normal part of being an adult that I was never told about?

Or is this how alcoholics get started?

I'm sure I'm being melodramatic, as I am writing this with a big fruity vodka drink sitting in front of me, but nevertheless it makes me wonder. The funny thing is, when I have a drink in front of me, I have no desire to hit the fridge, effectively replacing one vice with another.

It seems that not everyone has such an obvious vice though. There are plenty of people who are thin and have their shit together, like those mini-van driving moms that you see running around in Keds and size 2 designer jeans. How do those bitches do EVERYTHING...carpooling, soccer coaching, PTA, bake sales, girl scouts...and still be so fucking THIN???

Clearly, they all have bottles of vodka hidden in the linen closet. Maybe they're not so cool after all.