Oral....hygiene

My students had a presentation on oral hygiene today. I figured it would be your standard "make sure you brush your teeth, floss, and harass your parents to buy Colgate products...and here's your cheapie toothbrush" type of things. Imagine my surprise when they busted out the video.

The kids were happy to sit and do nothing for half an hour, so they sat nicely while a loose baby tooth told his tale of woe.

It started out by showing a lone baby tooth in a very pink set of gums. He led a happy, formula-fed existence until his host started eating solid food. He found himself constantly splattered with bits of food which was regularly washed down with milk...now, this may sound pretty innocent, but you had to see it to believe it.

I don't know what kind of fucking weirdos produced this video, but the scene where the tooth got showered in milk played out like some kind of bukkake scene in a Japanese fetish porno. First, you get covered in shit, then you get splooged repeatedly. It got particularly interesting when the other teeth started arriving...it was like a big, toothy orgy, and they all moaned in ecstasy as their host brushed them. I found this questionable, but attributed my interpretation to a dirty, filthy mind.

The next scene was the clincher for me. The original baby tooth was in the forefront, being tongued.

"Ooooohhhhh, I love it when she rocks me with her tongue..." the loose tooth cooed, its "eyes" rolling back and his mouth hanging open. I looked at the other teachers at this point...it couldn't just be me. I couldn't be the only pervert in the room, and I was right. Concerned glances were being exchanged among the more senior teachers; the younger teachers (myself included) were turning red trying to hold in their laughter.

Tooth: "oooooohhhhh yeaaaaahhhhhhh..."
K: [whispers to other teacher] "What the...are they kidding?"
Other Teacher: "This is...oh, my...I've never seen an oral hygiene video like this..."

Thankfully, 99% of the kids did not catch on to anything inappropriate, and the little bastards that did were promptly threatened with lost recess and notes to their parents for inappropriate comments.

Elementary school just ain't what it used to be...