Someone's baking bread, and it's not me for a change

Last night, I went to change Youngest Child's diaper, and was greeted by a big swollen mass on his little peepee.

K: "Uh, husband? Come take a look at this."

Now, whenever there is a penis issue with one of the boys, I immediately call the husband in for a consult. When my oldest got his first bit of morning wood as an infant, I actually called him at work.

K: "How do I get it into the diaper?"
H: "It's just wood, it'll pass."
K: "I'm gonna bend it! It's gonna hurt him!"
H: "No it's not. How do you think the rest of the men in the world get their pants on?"
K: "What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?"
H: "Just put the diaper right over it, it'll be fine."
K: "WHY COULDN'T WE HAVE HAD A GIRL? GIRLS DON'T HAVE INFLATABLE PARTS!"

By the time I was done with my hysterics, his wood was gone anyway.

So the husband looks over briefly and says, "Oh, it gets a little red sometimes, it's fine." I insisted that this was different and he finally came over for a look.

H: "WHAT THE FUCK!"
K: "I TOLD YOU!"
H: "Jesus Christ, where's the ass cream?" [translation: diaper rash ointment]
K: [puts a handful of zinc oxide on Youngest Child's crotch]
H: "Is that gonna help?"
K: "How the hell am I supposed to know? I guess we'll see."
H: "If it's not gone by the morning, he should go straight to the doctor."

Husband is obviously not one to fuck with the health of his son's penis. I swear, men will walk around with back pain, chronic pooping problems, migraines, and a myriad of other health problems and flat out refuse to go to the doctor, but when it comes to the penis, they don't fuck around.

We checked him this morning and it still hadn't gone down. It looked like a big red grape was wrapped around his little peepee. Off to the doctor, who informed us that he has a yeast infection, and prescribed an anti-yeast ointment.

I called the husband on the way home.

H: "So what's the verdict."
K: "Your son is baking bread."
H: "WHAT?"
K: "Yup."
H: "On his dick?"
K: "Yup."
H: "I didn't know that could happen."
K: "Me neither. I'll be home in a few."

I did a Google image search to check up on this condition, and holy shit, I am scarred for life. His peepee doesn't look quite as bad as those ones do, but I guess it's more common than one would think.

So my public service announcement to my male readers is this: if your equipment is suddenly swollen, don't assume that the Almighty finally answered your prayers. It's yeast. Go to the doctor.