Crappy Christmas Gifts
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
My crappiest gift this year was definitely the used VHS from my Grandmother of some obscure Christmas episode from that defunct show "St. Elsewhere". I've never even SEEN St. Elsewhere. And what the fuck is up with the title. "Santa Claus is Dead"??? Merry Christmas to you too, Grandma. I guess this is what chicks with big noses and fat asses get for the holidays.I want you to tell me about yours. I've got a running list going...mustard yellow towels, homemade wreaths made out of wine corks and chunks of hot glue, clothing that is 3 sizes too small, Halloween sweatshirts...you get the idea.
Leave a comment on this post and I will compile a list to be used in a future post. You don't have to have a blogger account, you can leave them anonymously without logging in. If you'd like to email me pictures, send them to dailyskweez@gmail.com.
Someone's gotta have something to beat my St. Elsewhere tape, bring it on!
sKWeez'd by K @ 2:45 PM | Perma-link
17 Comments:
At 12/27/2005 3:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
when i was about 13 my aunt sent me a crystal, it was cylinder shaped, with a big bulbous reflective crystal on the end....like a penis. Was this my familys idea of "the talk"? Was holding a lb phallis supposed to make me think I should never go near one of those? I've done my share of looking, but have yet to find a real one that reflects light. Merry creepy christmas!!
At 12/27/2005 3:19 PM,
K said…
A crystal penis for a teenager. That's pretty good. Still have it? And is it dishwasher safe? :D
At 12/27/2005 4:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
I also received a penis for Christmas as a teenager. It was one made out of pantyhose and cotton balls...packaged in a mason jar and given to me in front of my boyfriend. Gotta love your deranged cousins! Although I can't say much, I still have it! *blush*
This year's strange gift was a suitcase from my FIL. I thought it was a really nice gift until I realized it was one I borrowed from him about 4 years ago. It still had one of my socks in it from the trip I took with it. I think his creepy girlfriend is rubbing off on him!
Merry Christmas! Wait...or is it Happy Holidays?
At 12/27/2005 4:20 PM,
K said…
Pfffft...this is my world. It's "Merry Whatever The Fuck You Want It To Be" as far as I'm concerned!!!
What is UP with the penis gifts? This is taking a turn I certainly did not expect...
At 12/27/2005 4:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
I think my fav was the step-mil who gave us homemade jam. Unfortunately she just used regular glass jars that still have the labels on 'em (hamburger relish for example) with screw tops. She put decorative fabric on the lids. Not on TOP of the lids, but UNDER the lid, so it was leaking jelly. Botulism anyone?
At 12/27/2005 4:47 PM,
Wizzie said…
I got a mega super cool camera this year.
I'm a photographer.
I also got £125 (about $216)
*Gloating over*
I got a magnifying glass and a globe from my nan, and that was about it.
No shoddy presents for this spoilt brat! Ah-hahaha!
At 12/27/2005 5:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
AHH my crack head uncle came with his trailer part girlfriend. She gave me some used and very tarnished bracelets and 1980's beaded earings. The kicker is the size small stockings! I am so not a size small. My kids got used mcd's toys and I think she stole one of her 15 cats toys and gave it to my youngest. My sister got the coolest gift though, I was and still am quit jealous. She got those cool t-shirt tie things you know from back in the Debbie Gibson era. She got one in every color!
At 12/27/2005 6:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
My grandmother gave me 'previously loved' scratch tickets from the Mass State Lottery. Yes, already scratched scratch cards. I was 12 and none were winners.
That's why I had God kill her.
At 12/27/2005 8:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
I got a 12" huinting knife from my aunt when I was 8.
I think I still have it.
K's grandmother, (the one who comments on the nose and boobs), unually gets me something she found at the flea market.
One year it was a 15 yr old flannel shirt, the next a 1980-something Superbowl World Champion t-shirt (I don't watch sports).
But what else should I expect from the woman who drops by randomly to give us stuff she gets from the State Foodbank that she can't eat.
5 lb Bricks of "cheesefood", Big bottles of no-name brand grapefruit juice (which no-one drinks), and big CANS of Grape and Orange juice.
Merry Christmas.
At 12/28/2005 1:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
The first Christmas I met my drunken step-brother (he is roughly 10 yrs older than me, and was none to pleased his father had left his mother to marry mine) he honestly brought my mom a plastic rose from the gas station down the street, and me... an opened box of condoms, with 4 of the 12 missing, and 2 of the remaining opened with no condoms inside... wooot... I was 16. No lie... (He's pretty homely, so I can only imagine size must matter?)
At 12/28/2005 8:24 AM,
Anonymous said…
This year from my husbands great grandmother we got a set of napkin rings find and dandy except they are not napkin rings they are cock rings
I am not sure which frightens me more that she went some where like an XX store to buy these or really has not clue
At 12/28/2005 9:58 AM,
J. said…
A few years ago I switched jobs and no longer had to wear a tie to work. That didn't stop my brother-in-law's girlfriend from giving me a polyester navy blue tie emblazoned with the "Twister" logo and large red, green, blue, and yellow polka-dots.
In and of itself, that's not too horrible of a gift. Here's the kicker: The next year, she gave me another one exactly like it.
I have yet to wear either one.
At 12/28/2005 10:53 AM,
Anonymous said…
My MIL game me a plastic lawn squirrel And a big puffy sweater that sheads, looks like a dead cat. And not for Christmas, but she brings us stuff just because she loves us. She gave me a half empty box of tampons the corners of the box were wet at one point and molded ( dry now of course, only the BEST for me!) and a bag of those HUGE after you have a baby pads, the ones that go from your bellybutton to the middle of your back HAHAHAHA.
At 12/29/2005 12:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
I received this stock Hallmark sympathy card, mailed in late November, on December 24th quite a few years ago:
Cover, Somber Floral Arrangment with the words "In Deepest Sympathy"
In the center, handwritten:
"You have my sympathies on the length and width of your husbands' penis."
Unsigned, of course.
About 2 weeks later I figured out he was having an affair or two. And so ended the marriage. And I found out a few months later that the note was totally true! His penis WAS pathetic! He had a darn Cocktail Weenie, and I didn't even know it!
(How strange that the subject seems to be penises, and here I have a penis story to share)
At 12/29/2005 1:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
The worst has been used jewelery that is out of style and 'vintage' items (other people's trash) my relative has gotten very CHEAP (she lets me know know) on ebay. It is not that I don't appreciate the things, it is just that I do not want to clutter up my home even more than it is.
At 12/29/2005 9:25 AM,
Quiet said…
My worst gift isn't so bad. It's how it came to be that sucks.
I knew hubby wasn't going to go xmas shopping, or if he was it was going to be last minute. So I bought all the gifts for his family. Then I asked if I should buy any of my own gifts from him (else I would be stuck xmas day like a sucker). He said yes. So I picked out, paid for and put under the tree my xmas gift from my husband.
At 12/29/2005 1:27 PM,
Quiet said…
Ok, I am back. But the story of the swingers above made me remember my worst xmas gift. Hubby's aunt (who is in her sixties and lives near Montreal Que) gave him lingerie from the sex shop she owned when she was younger. (I guess she saved this stuff after they closed) He wrapped this old vintage stuff and gave it to me, I was in highschool at the time. Yuck.
Post a Comment
<< Home