Tuesday, November 8th
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I got NUTHIN'. I'm on day two of a new job, day three of a hangover, and day 10,619 of a generally useless existence. I worked, saw the gynecologist, and couldn't even muster up the energy necessary to vote.
I have a small lump in the "reproductive region" that my husband insisted I should get checked out. I put it off because I wasn't looking forward to discussing exactly how this lump was found with a medical professional. My female readership, I'm sure, can appreciate the awkwardness of having to start a conversation with a miniature Korean man about problems with the 'ole hoo-ha.
"So my husband found this small lump in my...uh...you know...and well you know he's forraging around in that area far more often than I am, so I guess he would know if there were something odd in there, right? Anyway, could you check that out?"
Small Korean Man seems to think it's just a teeny tiny bump that is nothing to worry about. He even drew my husband a diagram on a sticky note to illustrate where the bump is in the grand scheme of my anatomy.
SKM: "Everything's fine, it's probably a blocked duct or something like that."
Me: "Ok, thanks." [puts shoes on, collects purse and coat]
SKM: "If it bothers your husband, then I can prescribe some lubricant."
Me: "That's thoughtful, but I think we're all set, thanks."
SKM: "It shouldn't become a problem unless your husband gets a little crazy with you." [makes somewhat of a jackhammer motion with his hand]
Me: "Uh, ha, yeah, I don't think we'll be doing much of that, so thanks." [edges out the door]
SKM: [loudly] "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT THE LUBRICANT?"
Me: [tears past receptionist, runs to the parking lot]
Think my insurance plan would pay for our yearly supply of strawberry-flavored Astroglide if it were deemed medically necessary?
Anyway, enough about my crotch issues. For today, I direct you Natalie Dee, who is far funnier and much less useless and lumpy than I.
I hope to be inspired (and conscious) enough to tell the story of my first days of school tomorrow. For now, it's back to bed, gotta be at the hellhole for 10.
I have a small lump in the "reproductive region" that my husband insisted I should get checked out. I put it off because I wasn't looking forward to discussing exactly how this lump was found with a medical professional. My female readership, I'm sure, can appreciate the awkwardness of having to start a conversation with a miniature Korean man about problems with the 'ole hoo-ha.
"So my husband found this small lump in my...uh...you know...and well you know he's forraging around in that area far more often than I am, so I guess he would know if there were something odd in there, right? Anyway, could you check that out?"
Small Korean Man seems to think it's just a teeny tiny bump that is nothing to worry about. He even drew my husband a diagram on a sticky note to illustrate where the bump is in the grand scheme of my anatomy.
SKM: "Everything's fine, it's probably a blocked duct or something like that."
Me: "Ok, thanks." [puts shoes on, collects purse and coat]
SKM: "If it bothers your husband, then I can prescribe some lubricant."
Me: "That's thoughtful, but I think we're all set, thanks."
SKM: "It shouldn't become a problem unless your husband gets a little crazy with you." [makes somewhat of a jackhammer motion with his hand]
Me: "Uh, ha, yeah, I don't think we'll be doing much of that, so thanks." [edges out the door]
SKM: [loudly] "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT THE LUBRICANT?"
Me: [tears past receptionist, runs to the parking lot]
Think my insurance plan would pay for our yearly supply of strawberry-flavored Astroglide if it were deemed medically necessary?
Anyway, enough about my crotch issues. For today, I direct you Natalie Dee, who is far funnier and much less useless and lumpy than I.
I hope to be inspired (and conscious) enough to tell the story of my first days of school tomorrow. For now, it's back to bed, gotta be at the hellhole for 10.
sKWeez'd by K @ 7:54 PM | Perma-link
2 Comments:
At 11/09/2005 3:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
What you may have there is a swollen bartholomid gland, which can get really nasty and BURST (happened to a friend of mine) and get super painful. My sister also had one, and they inserted a wick in the thing to allow it to drain, and to create a new opening. It's a lubricating gland, and they get blocked in some women.
It may go away on its own, or it may not. Have your dh keep a close eye on it, ha ha ha.
Enjoying the blog! Keep it up.
At 11/12/2005 1:20 PM,
K said…
That sounds really pleasant.
We've already ruled that out, thank God. I don't think I could deal with an explosion in that area.
It's a tiny little thing, he said it's probably about the size of a seed bead, maybe smaller.
He also felt the need to tell me that "It's not herpes or anything like that," so I'm pretty psyched.
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