Out of the mouths of heathens

My cooperating teacher was out again today, leaving me with no lesson plans and a class full of kids who have only known me a week and don't care to see me as an authority figure just yet. The day was pretty rough, I won't bore you with the details, but I did come away with a few comedic gems that I thought I'd share.

• Boy called me over for help with a worksheet. It was a "fill in the blank" type deal, with a bank of words to choose from. The sentence read like this: "The happy ______ floated down the river," and the words to choose from were children, boats, logs, tires, and sunshine. "I'm confused," he said. "Boats can't be happy, and if I use children, then it'll sound like they're dead." Good point kid, nobody wants to read about dead kids floating down a river, so just use boats. We'll pretend that boats can be happy for today.

• As I was helping the kid with the dead children, I heard a kid next door tell his teacher to "shut yer piehole". Now, maybe I'm old fashioned, but if I'd ever had that kind of nerve at 8 years old, I wouldn't have lived to see 9. What I find most peculiar is that the teacher didn't even send the kid to the office, nor did she call the parents. "I kept my cool," she said proudly. Uh, maybe that's your problem, lady. Ah, how I yearn for the days when a good ass-beating was acceptable...
  

• Another gem from next door...the children were asked what they wanted to be when they grow up. Doctor, lawyer, teacher (what a kiss ass), dentist...such ambition in the room. Then, it was Charlie's turn.

T: "What do you want to be when you grow up, Charlie?"
C: "I wanna be like my dad."
T: "How nice! What does your dad do?"
C: "Nothing. He's on disability."


It's no wonder this country is going to shit.