New Job: Week 1

Monday I started my first real job. I mean, I've had other jobs before, but this is the first one that I've sought out and accepted with my actual "career" in mind, so I'm pretty excited about it. I had envisioned my own desk complete with an apple...an assortment of colorful stickers and stamps with sayings such as "Great Job!" and "Wow!"...a mug full of freshly sharpened pencils. I went to bed Sunday with visions of red marking pens dancing in my head. Glorious.

I came into school to find that I didn't even have a chair. I am working in another teacher's room for the year, as she will be out of the room a lot for professional development and other projects. My reason for being there is to back her up, so I guess nobody thought I needed my own space for such a purpose. Whatever, no biggie. I'm sure they'll get me a chair at some point.

The first day began with "Vicky", my cooperating teacher, greeing the students in the most annoyingly nasal, sing-songy tone of voice I've ever heard. Think Victoria Jackson, only not funny, about 20 years older, and with a heavy Jersey accent. One of the children, "Andy", stormed right over to where I was standing.

A: "Are YOU the new teacher?"
K: "Uh..." [thinking carefully about how I should answer this question] "Yes."
A: "Then THIS is for YOU."

He proceeded to reach menacingly into his backpack, staring me down, not taking his eyes off of me the whole time he dug around for whatever automatic weapon he was searching for. Longest 5 seconds of my life. This kid bore a little too much of a resemblance to Christopher Walken in "The Deer Hunter" for my liking. He finally found what he was looking for, pulled it out, and dramatically held it up in my face.

The little psycho-looking kid brought me my first apple.

K: "Thank you, Andy."
A: [looks at me suspiciously, stalks off to his desk]

This would not be the last of Andy. The rest of the week was marked by Tourrette's-like episodes of Andy giving me shit one minute ("YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! YOU'RE JUST A LOUSY SUB!") and being apologetic and sweet the next ("I'm sorry, Mrs. K. I didn't mean it.")

Andy is not the only head case in my class. "Cindy" (aka Drama Queen) had a half-hour long crying fit because she couldn't finish an assignment. Even after I told her it was no big deal, she still wouldn't stop. She ended up sprawled out on the floor, body wracked with sobs, kicking the cabinets while the other children ignored her.

Kid: "She always does that."
K: "Really?"
Kid: "Probably a few times a week. Perfectly normal."
K: [stares in disbelief]
K: "Jacy, go to the bathroom and wash your face. You'll feel better."
C: [crawls out of the room, still sobbing. Teacher across the hall stares.]

After Cindy's performance, "Sara" decided to put on a little show of her own.

Kid: "Mrs. K, Sara said if we don't stop talking to her, she's gonna kill herself."
K: "Ummm..." [walks over to Sara, who is gnawing on a pencil like a wild animal]
K: "Sara, what's the matter?"
S: "THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"
K: "Come to my desk and talk to me." [not really my desk...trivial details]

[We talk at the desk. Other children are ignoring us, apparently this is perfectly normal too.]

K: "What's going on, Sara?"
S: "I'M ALL STRESSED OUT."
K: "Why?"
S: "I'VE GOT TOO MANY ACTIVITIES AND I CAN'T GET MY HOMEWORK DONE."
K: "Have you talked to your mom about that?"
S: "SHE HAS TOO MANY ACTIVITIES TOO. SHE WON'T EVEN SIGN MY HOMEWORK IN THE MORNING." [breaks into sobs]
K: "We'll talk to Miss Vicky in the morning. Right now, just go wash your face, you'll feel better." [my solution to all little girl drama: cold water]
S: "Ok." [starts walking out, stops] "YOU'D BETTER TELL THEM TO STOP TALKING TO ME."
K: "Consider it done."
S: [muttering] "I'll kill myself, I'll do it..."


That night, the husband asked the fateful question.

H: "How was your day?"
K: [stares catatonically]
H: "That bad?"

[K takes a deep breath]

K: "There was this kid who practically attacked me with an apple and this girl who decided to take a fit on the floor and this other girl who threatened the rest of the class with suicide if they didn't shut up and I didn't even get a desk and my feet hurt from these fucking shoes and I DIDN'T EVEN GET MY OWN RED PEN."

H: [stares]
K: "SO YEAH, IT WAS THAT BAD."

Even though my first week kinda sucked, I'm still in the honeymoon stage of my first teaching gig. I photographed my first apple. I wore my embroidered denim teacher shirt with the apples and rulers and numbers all over it. I plan to go shopping today for school supplies, as I will not be denied my stickers OR my red pen.

On the up side, I managed to clear off the extra desk AND snag a teacher chair while Miss Vicky was out on Thursday. I don't think she'll be too pleased to see that I displaced her dust-covered Rubbermaid bins full of crap. I wish I cared. *snicker*