Home sick

Last night, Youngest Child was a bit pissy. He cried over stupid shit and acted like his world was crashing down around him when he lost his train toy. Drama drama drama...when you have boys, drama usually means that they're not feeling like themselves, and I had a sneaking feeling that I would be keeping him home today. I sent a note to his teacher to call me at school if he got sick, and left for work.

10am: classroom phone rings. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...I knew what was coming. I answered to find my heavily accented Vice Principal on the other end of the line, apparently covering for the secretary.

VP: "K?"
K: "Yes?"
VP: "I 'ave your son's school on zee other line."
K: "Uh oh..."
VP: "She called earlier, and I deed not realize who she was asking for, so here she eez." [connects]

The school nurse got patched through, and she was pissed. Apparently, when she called earlier, she asked for me and my VICE PRINCIPAL had no idea who I was. What the fuck lady, YOU HIRED ME a month ago, yet you don't know who I am? Brainy Vice Principal directed the nurse to another school that sounds kind of like mine. Nurse called the other school, where I obviously was not to be found. She called my husband, my father, and she was just short of calling all of my neighbors when she finally got in touch with me. Youngest Child puked all over the bus and was sprawled across his nap mat, moaning dramatically, and I had to get him out of school.

I called my Grandmother to see if she could possibly watch him for a couple of hours until my husband got back into town, and she refused. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling up to it". Bah. Fine. Thankfully, my Vice Principal felt guilty enough for not knowing who the fuck I was to let me go home for the day.

I broke the bad news to my class.

K: "Boys and girls, I have to leave to pick up my son, so Mrs. Jones is going to stay with you the rest of the day."
Boy: "Is he sick?"
K: "Yes he is."
Boy: "My mom could watch him for you."
K: "That's very sweet to offer up your mom, but that's ok."
Girl: "Can't you bring him back here?"
K: "That wouldn't be a good idea. He's pretty sick."
Boy: "Is he PUKING???"
K: "Yes, actually."
Boy: "COOOOOOOOOL! That would be so awesome if he puked in our class."
K: "Ummm..."
Girl: "No it wouldn't, stupid, then he'd get the rest of us sick."
Boy: "Well then we could miss school, right?"

[silence, as the class absorbs this possibility]

Class:

• "COOOOOL!!!!"
• "BRING HIM IN MRS. K! WE'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM!"
• "I WANNA STAY HOME SICK SO I CAN WATCH MY DAD'S 'FAMILY GUY' DVD'S!!!"
• "WHAT IF HE PUKED ON OUR HOMEWORK? AWESOME!!!"
• [chanting] "Puke...puke...puke...PUKE...PUKE!!!"

I hastily left their work with the substitute and ran out amid the vomit madness.

I picked up youngest child, who I found laughing and frolicking in his classroom. Of course. Home to watch Blue's Clues and ply him with juice and cookies.

I'm not all that heartbroken to be home today, since I worked at the hellhole until 4am, but it still sucks to have to use up a sick day to care for a kid who's practically doing cartwheels in the middle of my living room right now.

Oh well. There's worse things than catching up on laundry while watching daytime television. Too bad Springer doesn't show the fights anymore...