The Retard Rocket

DISCLAIMER:

I am a parent of a special needs child, so save your arrows, people. As life-giver of one who rides the short bus, I am allowed special permission to make off-color jokes such as this. The title above was my friend's take on the short bus, not mine, and I am reproducing it here for entertainment purposes, not to point and laugh at "specially abled" people.

If you're offended by making light of tough situations, then stop reading right now. I mean, it, stop. Ya pansy.

~~~~

I just had the most side-splitting instant-messenger conversation with my internet friend, S. She has the greatest stories, she's the one who should have the blog, seriously.

Anyway, her oldest son went through a period of being kicked out of school and having to go to a private school outside the district, which resulted in him being transported on a short bus. General conversation about short buses led to this little gem of a story.

note: to those not acquainted with internet-speak:

LMAO = laughing my ass off
LMFAO = laughing my fucking ass off
OMG = oh my god
LOL = laughing out loud


S: thats when poor Bryan took the retard rocket to school
S: the 5 point restraint bus
K: retard rocket
K: LMAO
S: no lie.....the masturbating 15 year old behind him trying to spew and my Bryan buckled in trying not to be his target
S: I still L M F A O over that one!!
K: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT????
S: on the retard rocket every morning they'd pick him up on the bus and he'd sit in front of this kid that diddled 24/7
S: and he'd sing "wash your hair.......Brahhhhhyan" then he'd try to jack on him
K: I'm crying. stop it. OMG

"Braaaaaaaaahhhhhyan..."

S: my Bryan was in 8th grade ....big kid......buckled in tight.....and this kid was trying to cum on him!!
S: I'd say....hey you had to be the adhd kid and get yourself thrown out of school
S: he also used to pick his nose and try to wipe it on Bryan
S: and all Bryan could do was reach way in front of himself trying to virtually swim away
S: that and scream
S: he'd come home so scared
K: wow
K: that kid is like criminally insane
K: he's probably in jail right now
S: no seriously....he was WAY tarded. he had a helmet and everything.
S: wonder what happened to him
K: he probably tries to masturbate on people on the city bus nowadays
S: I hope hes found some nice person that lets him jack all over them
K: he's probably a bukkake video star
S: probably
K: tard bukkake
K: that is so fucking funny. yet it really shouldn't be. some poor kid trapped in a splooge covered tard bus
S: trying to share a bugger or two with my Bryan
K: LOL

She then proceeded to tell me about the white trash wedding she is being forced to go to next weekend.


S: I have a real white trash wedding to go to next weekend
S: its at an ambulance house
K: like, they rented it? on purpose?
S: yup
S: got them a fancy meetin hall
S: BYOF (bring your own food)










SNACKY CAKES! YAY!!!










K: so if the ambulance gets a call, do you all have to haul ass out of the way?
S: I think the ambulance is their get a way car after the fancy reception
K: tell me this is a theme. is one of them an EMT per chance? I might forgive if that's the case
S: nope
S: AND she's registered at wal mart
K: no she's not
K: fuck me in the goat ass if she's really registered at walmart
S: (sends link to registry) do I fucking lie????
K: well lube my goat up and bend it over
S: hey look she registered for one of those piss carpets for the front of the toilet
S: COOL!! I call that!!
S: Oh, and look; a waterproof mattress pad
K: who the hell registers for a mattress pad????
S: he must be a piddler
S: they did mark the momentus occassion by tatooing their feet
S: I shit you not
K: WHAT???
S: sure...doesnt everybody?
K: stop it
S: nope
S: I got hitched and instead of a fucking honeymoon I got my fucking foot tat'd
K: my stomach hurts
K: omg please stop



Whenever I'm feeling lazy, I'll probably whip out a "Conversation with S". She's too fucking funny. Living in redneck land makes for a whole different breed of story.