Hysteria
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Every couple of months, it seems that there is some new hysteria in the news. Terrorism, bird flu, polar icecaps melting at alarming rates...it's always something. Seems the media isn't satisfied unless they're scaring the fuck out of us, and we gobble it up, much like the fat guys at the China Buffet on "All You Can Eat King Crab Legs" night.
Last night, I had finished up all of my OSHA paperwork, and had a few minutes to shoot the shit with this week's class of new hires. I mentioned the whole Avian Flu thing, which I find to be incredibly scary, but this one guy in my class was thoroughly unimpressed.
Guy: "That's bullshit. Remember SARS? All those assholes walking around with Michael Jackson facemasks, and nothin' ever came of it."
"I don't know how you expect to give me the contractual
wedding night hummer wearing THAT."
K: "Well I guess you're right. But Bird Flu...shit...that's scary. Coughing up massive amounts of blood and mucous before finally suffocating to death isn't really my cup of tea."
Guy: "Everyone's gonna flip the fuck out and stock up on flu shots, and nothing's gonna happen. It's the media, man. Remember Y2K?
K: "Yeah, that turned out to be crap. But on the upside, I'd stocked up on enough batteries to power my Gameboy for about 8 years."
Guy: "New Year's Eve, 1999, a few of my buddies actually bought ski masks and baseball bats so they could start looting at midnight."
K: "WHAT???"
Guy: "Oh yeah! They hung around outside a jewelry store and a bank, just waiting for the security systems to crash."
K: "Are you kidding me?"
Guy: "Nope. Midnight hit, and they just kinda stood there. They pulled on the doors, figured out that the alarms were still on, and left."
"Ah fuck. The beer's in the back, guys. Curse you, Y2K!"
K: "Wow. Bummer of a New Year."
Guy: "Nah, they had trunks full of forties, as a backup plan, so it was all good."
K: "Hey! We can't loot, so we'll get piss drunk instead!"
Guy: "Always gotta have a backup plan."
Just when I think I've heard it all from my new employees, somebody surprises me.
Last night, I had finished up all of my OSHA paperwork, and had a few minutes to shoot the shit with this week's class of new hires. I mentioned the whole Avian Flu thing, which I find to be incredibly scary, but this one guy in my class was thoroughly unimpressed.
Guy: "That's bullshit. Remember SARS? All those assholes walking around with Michael Jackson facemasks, and nothin' ever came of it."
"I don't know how you expect to give me the contractual wedding night hummer wearing THAT."
K: "Well I guess you're right. But Bird Flu...shit...that's scary. Coughing up massive amounts of blood and mucous before finally suffocating to death isn't really my cup of tea."
Guy: "Everyone's gonna flip the fuck out and stock up on flu shots, and nothing's gonna happen. It's the media, man. Remember Y2K?
K: "Yeah, that turned out to be crap. But on the upside, I'd stocked up on enough batteries to power my Gameboy for about 8 years."
Guy: "New Year's Eve, 1999, a few of my buddies actually bought ski masks and baseball bats so they could start looting at midnight."
K: "WHAT???"
Guy: "Oh yeah! They hung around outside a jewelry store and a bank, just waiting for the security systems to crash."
K: "Are you kidding me?"
Guy: "Nope. Midnight hit, and they just kinda stood there. They pulled on the doors, figured out that the alarms were still on, and left."
"Ah fuck. The beer's in the back, guys. Curse you, Y2K!"Guy: "Nah, they had trunks full of forties, as a backup plan, so it was all good."
K: "Hey! We can't loot, so we'll get piss drunk instead!"
Guy: "Always gotta have a backup plan."
Just when I think I've heard it all from my new employees, somebody surprises me.
sKWeez'd by K @ 7:26 AM | Perma-link
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