I wish I could draw

Natalie Dee is my idol. She's not a great artist, but she's so fucking clever and funny that it doesn't really matter. Check her out, and peruse the archives, she's the shit.


Speaking of shit, I drew a pile of it as a joke for an acquaintance on a message board, and I'm actually pretty proud of it.

Notice the swirling detail. Probably the most realistic thing I've ever drawn. So the acquaintance wasn't impressed, and told me to "shit out a razor wire wrapped pineapple" while I was at it. Now that's just inspiration a-knockin'...

"No pineapple juice for you, bitches!"

Another participant in the conversation was called an "undigested sesame seed turd covered turnip", so I came up with a rendering, just for fun.

I call it "Turnip in Repose"

Message boards are so pointless. But nice to waste an hour or so when you're avoiding the laundry.

I envy those who can draw. I have not a smidgen of artistic talent, and wish every day that I could actually draw a pig for my son to color instead of having to find one on the internet. Ghengis can draw (the prick) and every time we go out he has to taunt me by drawing one of his famous goats on a napkin. We went to the Macaroni Grill once, where they give you a huge sheet of paper and crayons to keep you busy, and he scribbled to his heart's content; goats, frogs, squiggles, and vaginas as far as the paper would reach. Even his half-assed doodles blow my best pile of shit out of the water.

Ghengis suggests that my talent lies elsewhere. All I've got is a sharp tongue and a pretty good grip on sentence structure and grammar. I don't know if that qualifies as talent.