Disney Makes WHAT???

I was at Target today and saw some pretty weird shit. Who has the counterspace, I mean really?






The Disney Smoothie Maker. Just jack off Mickey for a tasty treat, anytime.









The 'Back to Basics' Popcorn Maker. What the fuck is 'BASIC' about this piece-of-shit flying saucer from hell? If this was in my house when I was a kid, I would have lopped off the power cord and claimed it for my Barbies. Fuck the Corvette, my bitches would have been pimpin' in a spaceship.











The Ice Shaver. All this looks like to me is a discolored Mickey Mouse upchucking into a small, conical container. Just use your imagination to conjure up some hurling noises, you'll see what I mean.












I can only assume that these are bought by the Mickey-loving sub-culture that snaps up anything with a rodent on it, regardless of price or usefulness. I used to work for a woman who had actually found another Mickey freak to marry her, and one day she went on and on about this fabulous Mickey Mouse headboard they had splurged on for their marital bedroom.

Picture this: lights down low, Mickey Mouse votives lit, your wife in her finest Disney negligee with her ass in the air just waitin' for ya.

WHAT SELF-RESPECTING MAN WOULD BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION WITH MICKEY FUCKING MOUSE STARING HIM DOWN WHILE HE'S TAGGIN' HIS WIFE PLUTO-STYLE???

I think I just vomited in my own mouth. Damn you Target.