Booze, Bondage & Holy Matrimony

We're back from the wedding, and we actually had a pretty good time. The ceremony was beautiful and sentimental, the food was outrageous (lobster, clambake, craaaaazy expensive shit), and "open bar" is the single most beautiful phrase ever to be uttered by a blushing bride.



The ceremony was at 11am, and mimosas were served before a single person came down the aisle. It was supposed to be on the beach, but Hurricane Ophelia (the whore) put the kabosh on that, so under the tent we went. The happy couple wrote their own vows, had non-traditional music (no wedding march or Canon in D at this par-tay), and there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

There were lots of unique little details, one of which was a framed white board with a 5x7 of the couple in the middle, and a permanent marker to write a "best wishes" type of message. My brother-in-law is an ass, and wrote this:

"One day I was taking a hike, and I came upon two snails engaged in a fierce battle. One would dominate for a while, then the other...then I finally realized that they weren't fighting at all! It was beautiful! ~Joe"

He was like the 5th person to sign it, & a few people were pissed at the fact that there was no way to top it, so nobody really tried.

"You forgot the lube? Fuck!"

The couple made the mistake of leaving the board out after several hours of open bar, and there were a few interesting comments left as a result:

• Bukkake spelled out phonetically (boo-kah-key)
• Various messages along the lines of "Thanks for getting me the drunkest I've been since college."
• "Throw a few thrusts in for me tonight!"
• "Fucking beautiful...you guys rock."

Safe to say that this particular piece may not make it above the mantle after all.

Romance was in the air, and The Husband had the foresight to take advantage. As I mentioned in my previous entry, I had suspected that he had made a stop at the adult toy store, and boy did he ever. He bought a bondage kit, strawberry flavored lube, massage oils, a couple of interesting insertive-type objects, and a blindfold. We had quite a go at it and even made our first homemade porno with the video-capture feature on my digital camera. Turns out the husband is warming to the wonders of having a wife who's a freak in the sheets. WOOT. More on that story as it develops.

Flavored lube: It's a good thing

Open bar was insane. Even the $12 martini drinks were included, and I had more than my share. By hour 4 of open bar, lips got loose and I had the ladies of the wedding impressed by the fact that The Husband had tied me up the night before. One of them even stumbled up to him, completely cocked, and begged him to give her boyfriend (who is a friend of his) some tips. The Husband feigned embarrassment, butI think it made him feel good to be crowned King Perv of the wedding.


The Husband and I at the wedding. My brother-in-law took the picture. Thanks for telling me that my tits were hanging out, ass!




We started drinking before 11am, so everyone pretty much passed out by midnight. It cost us a fortune between the gifts, hotel, clothing, and other miscellaneous expenses, but it's a small price to pay for good times and a little bondage.

Once again, we discovered that the people in small coastal towns are pretty fucking weird, and like to give their businesses odd names.

Kream 'n Kone Ice Cream & Fried Seafood

Which of course elicited perverted comments from The Husband every time we drove by. "I'd like to kream on your kones!" & "Do they kream the klams as well?"

Asacks Footwear Outlet

I have no clever comment for this one. It speaks for itself.

They also like to paint their water towers in colorful checkerboard patterns.



Nobody made an ass of themself, nobody got beat up, and the hurricane passed us by. I call it a success.