Vacation
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I should be doing laundry right now. We're going on vacation tomorrow morning, and nobody has anything to wear. I've been pretty exhausted due to my crappy night job, and the 8 loads of laundry that accumulate in a week's time is a pretty daunting task even to those who actually get 8 hours of sleep in a day.
...ok...I put a load in. I have about 40 minutes to write. I figure I should get a bit out of my system before I'm cut off from my digital lifeline for 5 days. God help me.
Vacation last year was pretty disastrous. We had never taken the three children on vacation, and decided it was time to bite the bullet. We borrowed my father in law's motor home and chose a campground that was literally in the middle of nowhere. We were going to tow the car, so we could venture off of the grounds to go shopping or see the sights that the middle of nowhere had to offer, but we discovered after the first 10 minutes on the road that the tow bar was fucked and that we couldn't drag the car after all. So we left it, and resigned ourselves to being trapped at Camp Bumfuck for four solid days. No outlet shopping for me. Goddammit.
Their vacation might have sucked ass too, but at least they had a convertible.
It rained the whole first day. Thankfully, we'd had the presence of mind to bring the full Disney DVD catalog and a Sony bag system, so the children were entertained by the idiot box for a few peaceful hours while the monsoon worked its way past the town. Once the novelty of a small, portable television wore off, the boys started getting antsy. I hate it when they get dirty, but I was so desperate to keep them occupied (and approaching the edge of my sanity) that I allowed them to frolick in the mud puddles of the playground across the path. By the time they were done, their fingers and toes were pruny and they even had mud in their ears, but they had a ball and didn't seem to care. We ushered them back to the site, hosed them off (literally hosed them - they weren't stepping foot inside the camper until we had at least gotten the big chunks off of them) and gave them showers. We decided that it was bedtime...it was only 7:30, but they didn't know that...we took advantage of the fact that none of them could tell time yet and bought ourselves some peace. We got drunk, made s'mores, and wondered how we could have been so stupid so as to set ourselves up for such torture. Tomorrow was bound to be better.
The next day, the kids were up at the ass crack of dawn (damned 7:30 bedtime came back to bite us, that's for sure) and eager for fun in the sun. We sunblocked them up and headed down to the edge of the river to go swimming. A few campers looked at us kinda funny as we walked by in our bathing suits; it became clear why when we got to the water. Not only was it about 6 inches deep, but it was fucking freezing cold. You had to wade out about 20 yards to get to any kind of depth that would be appropriate for a dip, but by the time you got there your feet were blue with hypothermia and the current was so strong that your ass would be three towns down the river before you ever realized what the hell was going on. The brochure hadn't mentioned the fact that the river was fed by melting ice caps on the nearby mountains...we figured being July, it wouldn't be 34 degrees, but we figured wrong. Thankfully, this campground had a pool, so we switched paths and spent the afternoon in a nice, warm, chlorinated body of water. Yeah, we were really getting back to nature.
3 hours (and 5 attempted sibling-related drownings later...thank God for water wings), we headed back to the camper. We had lunch, the kids played at the playground, we had dinner, watched a DVD, made s'mores, and headed to bed. Repeat this three more times, add in a few brotherly fist fights over legos and dump trucks and you have an idea of what our vacation consisted of. No car to venture off, and not a whole lot to do at the campground.
On day 5, we packed up and headed to a nearby theme park that was on the way home. $200 in admissions, meals, and memorabilia later, our vacation was over. We'd done our duty as parents; we'd gone camping, made s'mores, gone to an overpriced theme park, bought them souveniers to their little heart's desires, and gotten it all on film as proof of a mission accomplished. Now when they whine that we never do anything, we can whip out the video and say "ah HA! You ungrateful little bastard, how about THIS!!!"
Parenting is all about keeping score so you can defend yourself when they reach adulthood and try to blame you for their being in therapy.
So forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy at the thought of 5 days of family togetherness near a body of water...at least this time we're in a cottage, and can leave at will...I won't be cheated of outlet shopping THIS time around. And the body of water is actually suitable for swimming this time (we double checked, bastards aren't going to pull one over on US again). For now, I'm reserving judgement, but I have a feeling that I'd have a better time staying home and working. At least then I'd have French Fries to keep me entertained.
...ok...I put a load in. I have about 40 minutes to write. I figure I should get a bit out of my system before I'm cut off from my digital lifeline for 5 days. God help me.
Vacation last year was pretty disastrous. We had never taken the three children on vacation, and decided it was time to bite the bullet. We borrowed my father in law's motor home and chose a campground that was literally in the middle of nowhere. We were going to tow the car, so we could venture off of the grounds to go shopping or see the sights that the middle of nowhere had to offer, but we discovered after the first 10 minutes on the road that the tow bar was fucked and that we couldn't drag the car after all. So we left it, and resigned ourselves to being trapped at Camp Bumfuck for four solid days. No outlet shopping for me. Goddammit.
Their vacation might have sucked ass too, but at least they had a convertible.
It rained the whole first day. Thankfully, we'd had the presence of mind to bring the full Disney DVD catalog and a Sony bag system, so the children were entertained by the idiot box for a few peaceful hours while the monsoon worked its way past the town. Once the novelty of a small, portable television wore off, the boys started getting antsy. I hate it when they get dirty, but I was so desperate to keep them occupied (and approaching the edge of my sanity) that I allowed them to frolick in the mud puddles of the playground across the path. By the time they were done, their fingers and toes were pruny and they even had mud in their ears, but they had a ball and didn't seem to care. We ushered them back to the site, hosed them off (literally hosed them - they weren't stepping foot inside the camper until we had at least gotten the big chunks off of them) and gave them showers. We decided that it was bedtime...it was only 7:30, but they didn't know that...we took advantage of the fact that none of them could tell time yet and bought ourselves some peace. We got drunk, made s'mores, and wondered how we could have been so stupid so as to set ourselves up for such torture. Tomorrow was bound to be better.
The next day, the kids were up at the ass crack of dawn (damned 7:30 bedtime came back to bite us, that's for sure) and eager for fun in the sun. We sunblocked them up and headed down to the edge of the river to go swimming. A few campers looked at us kinda funny as we walked by in our bathing suits; it became clear why when we got to the water. Not only was it about 6 inches deep, but it was fucking freezing cold. You had to wade out about 20 yards to get to any kind of depth that would be appropriate for a dip, but by the time you got there your feet were blue with hypothermia and the current was so strong that your ass would be three towns down the river before you ever realized what the hell was going on. The brochure hadn't mentioned the fact that the river was fed by melting ice caps on the nearby mountains...we figured being July, it wouldn't be 34 degrees, but we figured wrong. Thankfully, this campground had a pool, so we switched paths and spent the afternoon in a nice, warm, chlorinated body of water. Yeah, we were really getting back to nature.
3 hours (and 5 attempted sibling-related drownings later...thank God for water wings), we headed back to the camper. We had lunch, the kids played at the playground, we had dinner, watched a DVD, made s'mores, and headed to bed. Repeat this three more times, add in a few brotherly fist fights over legos and dump trucks and you have an idea of what our vacation consisted of. No car to venture off, and not a whole lot to do at the campground.
On day 5, we packed up and headed to a nearby theme park that was on the way home. $200 in admissions, meals, and memorabilia later, our vacation was over. We'd done our duty as parents; we'd gone camping, made s'mores, gone to an overpriced theme park, bought them souveniers to their little heart's desires, and gotten it all on film as proof of a mission accomplished. Now when they whine that we never do anything, we can whip out the video and say "ah HA! You ungrateful little bastard, how about THIS!!!"
Parenting is all about keeping score so you can defend yourself when they reach adulthood and try to blame you for their being in therapy.
So forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy at the thought of 5 days of family togetherness near a body of water...at least this time we're in a cottage, and can leave at will...I won't be cheated of outlet shopping THIS time around. And the body of water is actually suitable for swimming this time (we double checked, bastards aren't going to pull one over on US again). For now, I'm reserving judgement, but I have a feeling that I'd have a better time staying home and working. At least then I'd have French Fries to keep me entertained.
sKWeez'd by K @ 2:59 PM | Perma-link
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