Sex, Love, & Infidelity

I've been with the same man for many years. I was extremely inexperienced when I met him, and had a ton of hangups and insecurities when it came to sex. God love him for putting up with me, and for working around my neuroticism, because I was a real pain in the ass back in the day.

It took me a lot of time to work through that, and now I've had a bit of a "renaissance", if you will. Lately, I crave the naughty. I want dirty talk, hard smacks on the ass, biting, and all the hair-pulling I can get. I fantasize about threesomes with strange women (and men); I love online porn. I flip through the husband's Playboy, and I DON'T just read the articles. I whip out "The Rabbit" when I'm home alone, I consider anal to be the best invention ever...I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Freaky Sex = GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

"This bitch is insatiable lately."

So you think the husband would be thrilled. Unfortunately, this is not the case. My increased appetite has only served to disturb him. "Everything is about sex with you lately," the husband laments. How is that a bad thing? I'm sincerely confused.

On our vacation, we joked that we were going to have tons of freaky sex. Well, maybe HE was joking - I certainly wasn't, and we had a pretty good go at it. We had the dirtiest, filthiest sex we've ever had. I got it all: hair-pulling, biting, spanking, name-calling (what man wouldn't want to call his wife a whore, and not get slapped for it?), anal THREE TIMES in one day...good times, good times. Only one problem.

He didn't have a single orgasm. Not one.

He's tired, he's sore, he's not feeling so great...blah blah blah. I know the real reason; he's not into the freaky shit. It just doesn't do it for him. Me going from "mother of his children" to "shameless slut" in 4.2 seconds is a BAD THING. All this time, I thought he'd warm to it...maybe once he figured out that I was completely into it, he'd dive right in...NOPE.

The realization is rather painful. I married Vanilla, and I'm Rocky Road. And it's not something I can change. Goddammit.

So do I just let it rest? Do I accept a life with a man who refuses to cum on my face? Who doesn't want to call me filthy names because he "respects me too much"?

Would life with another be any better?

This has to be why humans cheat. We crave the excitement that comes with a new relationship; we want the novelty, the slightly nauseous/dizzy feeling you get when the sensation is almost overwhelming...the possibility of getting caught, the high that you get from knowing that what you're doing is wrong...hot, uninhibited, porn-star quality sex without having to worry about kids bursting in.

Or maybe this is why MEN cheat. They want sex, we want love. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

Then why do I just want SEX?

I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me. How can I love a man, have his children, build a life with him...but NOT be sexually fulfilled?

And is it possible to have BOTH?

Up until now, I always thought that people who cheated on their spouses were selfish animals. I could never see how a person could so easily separate sex and love; I believed them to be completely intertwined. Now I can almost understand why a man would have a mistress on the side, or why an otherwise happily married woman would be banging the pool boy.

Times may have changed, but humans remain the same. The urges don't change. Sure, sex and violence have become part of mainstream media, but you can't blame a 50% divorce rate on that alone. I think that cheating has ALWAYS gone on. The only difference is that now it's not as discreet as it once was, and women don't look the other way as much as they used to. Back in the day, a man cheating was more of a "boys will be boys" type of activity; now it's considered an ultimate betrayal, the stuff that a thousand Lifetime movies are made of.

Those of strong character can remain faithful for a lifetime, and as we know, that kind of resolve is a rare gift. I'm not so sure I'm that strong.